Practical Ways to Make the Holiday Season Special and Seamless for Your Children
The holiday season can be a wonderful time of year for children. There's the excitement of snow, which brings many hours of outdoor enjoyment like building snowmen, tobogganing, skiing, and skating. It’s also a time to connect with extended family and close friends, enjoy special traditions, and for many, reflect on the deeper meanings of the season.
For children with parents in two homes, the holidays can still be a joyful time as long as parents coordinate the time so that children can enjoy moments with each parent and, where desired, their extended family. Here are some tips to help parents who reside in separate homes make the most of this season.
Plan in Advance
Discuss how you’ll share the holidays well before the season begins. While many parents choose to split the day, sharing key holiday moments like the evening before or after the main holiday, this may not always be practical for every family. If travel is involved to visit extended family, it’s important to consider travel time and how to divide the time between both parents. Flexibility is key, as holidays don’t always fall neatly in the middle of school breaks, and children may move back and forth between homes during the break.
Create New Traditions
As new homes are established, so too are new traditions. Each parent can start their own holiday rituals with their children, such as purchasing a new ornament each year, attending a local tree lighting ceremony, participating in a community event, or enjoying outdoor activities like tobogganing on local hills. These traditions help create lasting memories and can make each home feel special during the holiday season.
Coordinate Gift Giving
Communicate with each other about plans for purchasing gifts, especially when it comes to larger or more expensive presents. Parents might decide to share the cost of big-ticket items or balance things by giving smaller gifts if one parent buys a more expensive present. It’s essential to avoid competing with each other over who can provide the “bigger” or “better” gifts. What matters most is not the price of the gifts, but the quality of the time spent together. Each parent is a valuable part of their children's lives, and it is not the "stuff" but the gift of time, that is most important to their children.
Help Children Buy Gifts for the Other Parent
Help your children pick out gifts for the other parent, especially when they are younger and unable to do so on their own. Parents can agree on an appropriate budget for these gifts. This thoughtful exchange of gifts, from children to both parents, can help reaffirm that both of you continue to value the other parent's importance in the lives of your children.
Ultimately, no matter how you choose to share your time with your children this holiday season, it’s the quality of that time that counts. Whether you spend time with your children on a specific day, or across multiple days within the break, what matters is making the time you do have together meaningful and filled with love.
Tina Hinsperger was previously a facilitator for coparenting workshops. She is an accredited family mediator and a custody/access assessor in private practice.
**This article was first published in 2013. It has been revised by the editorial team in 2024 for clarity and to reflect current practices.